Dig Deep To Find The Reason For Your Mom Guilt
This is day three of our seven-day mom guilt challenge and it is time for you to dig a little deeper to find the root causes of the mom guilt that’s been holding you back.
After all, you can’t work on something and start making improvements until you know exactly what it is that you need to work on!
Digging deep and examining your feelings can get a little uncomfortable, but don’t let that deter you.
You need to keep pushing through to get to the bottom.
It will be well worth it and you’ll feel much better about your role as a mom once you’ve faced your fears and dealt with your feelings of mom guilt.
Start off your exploration into the root of your feelings of mom guilt by finding a quiet place where you can think for a while without being interrupted (too many times…).
If you prefer, you can work through your feelings in writing using a journal or notebook, as some people find this helps them focus and stay on track.
Otherwise, simply thinking through it can work just as well.
Maybe you can find some time to escape for a hot bath as you work through this exercise.
Or maybe I am just dreaming 🙂
If you find that you have a hard time pinpointing where your feelings of mom guilt are coming from, it can be helpful to talk it through with a trusted friend or your spouse.
Ideally, this would be someone who knows you very well and can guide you along the way.
Encourage them to ask you probing, open-ended questions until you get to the bottom of the matter.
Or if you are struggling to dig deeper on your own, check out the 5 Whys Framework that I use when approaching problems in my life – both at work and at home.
Here is an example of how you could work through your mom guilt about going back to work:
Let’s say you have been thinking of doing a little freelance work as a writer while you’re home raising your young children, but a feeling of guilt stops you from taking the first steps to give it a try.
When you sit down and start to examine your feelings, you may think that you would be taking time away that you could spend with your children.
But as you think more about it to imagine how you could make it work, you might realize that you already have time blocks available while they are napping and that you will have even more time once they start school.
Digging even deeper, you realize that you’re actually worried about how getting back into a career could be perceived by those around you.
Your spouse may feel like you don’t have enough time for him, and the neighbors may think that you’re a bad wife and mother if you focus on your freelance career.
Not to mention your mother-in-law…
By recognizing these thoughts, you realize that what you need to work on is changing your mindset about what other people think of you.
You could start out by discussing your desire to take on some freelance assignments with your spouse to see what he really thinks. After all, in most households, both parents work and you would have the added benefit of a flexible schedule.
You start to feel a little better about the whole idea after your discussion, but there’s still a knot in your stomach that keeps you from moving forward.
There is one more feeling that’s holding you back, and it’s manifesting in your life by feeding you with excuses for not taking action… but in reality, it’s also guilt.
You realize that what you’re really worried about is that you won’t make it.
That you can’t hack it.
You’ve been home for a few years and haven’t done much writing, freelance or otherwise.
What if no one will give you a project to work on or publish your writing?
What if even trying is just a waste of time?
You have found the real issue and it is one you can work on right now.
Now it’s your turn. Have you been wanting to take time to exercise, but feeling guilty about it? Have you been wanting to hire some help to clean your house, but keep putting it off? Take a few minutes to evaluate what you haven’t been doing, and see if you can identify the real reason behind your hesitation.